He’s not done with me yet!!

This has been a very uneventful summer here on my little blog, hasn’t it?? I haven’t intended on neglecting it so badly, my mind has just been on other things–both the good and the bad. I’ve found myself searching for God in a new way, a more sincere way perhaps, and the journey has been both a joy and a struggle. The joy of sitting in God’s presence and hearing His voice is quickly followed by the struggle of the test that awaits around the corner for me.

Surely I’m not the only one that happens to, am I? God reveals something lacking in me, I attempt to change said thing and right about the time I think I’ve finally gotten a teeny, tiny hold on the issue, BAM! Immediately I’m tested on it….and I inevitably fail. Sigh.

Take another lap. And another, and another….

I’m feeling a bit stuck in my Bible study the past few days. I’ve stumbled upon a passage that has challenged me so deeply and strongly that I feel unable to read past it until I’ve absorbed it into my spirit and put it to work in my life. Sadly, this doesn’t usually happen very quickly in me for some reason! I read these other blogs where women get this big, wonderful revelation and right away it completely changes their life.

Me??

I hear it and forget it. Force myself to hear it again, and again, I forget it. And on and on I go. What on earth am I doing wrong??

The passage is out of the Message Bible (which I LOVE to use for my personal study time) in Mathew 5. It reads:

“In a word, what I’m saying is: Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

Now, this may not jump out at you as extraordinary, but it stopped me in my tracks and I recognized it as something I struggle with greatly on many levels. Oh, I totally need to grow up, spiritually speaking. I could honestly go on and on about those two words along, but I won’t. Just trust me when I say I’ve got me some growing up to do!

You know, I constantly forget who I am in Christ. I still very much live a weak, fearful existence, reacting to every situation as if I were all alone out on a limb with no Father to protect and guide me. I tend to live in a state of panic and stress and confusion.

I live as a victim. A lowly peasant.

Which brings me to the next two sentences of that passage: I am a kingdom subject–a child of the King! I don’t believe this has ever really sunk in to my spirit, honestly. I need to renew my mind to this fact over and over and over again. I am a child of the King–this is my God-given identity! I don’t have to be cowering in the corner, I don’t have to be angry or sad or lost or overwhelmed or afraid, I just need to take the sources of those feelings to my Father and allow Him take care of them for me, after all, He is the King over it all.

This next part is also a struggle and I’m pretty ashamed to admit it. It sounds easy enough, ‘living generously and graciously toward others the way God lives toward me’ is a basic Christian concept, right? But wow, it is actually pretty hard to do while you are basically serving the god of self, let me tell you!

Oh yeah, confession time. I totally bow down at the alter of self a few times a day. This is a HUGE battle in my life. What about me?? Why me?? Everyone has it so great but me! Poor me!! Who is going to look out for ME???

Every single second that my focus is on myself, I am missing the bigger picture! If I will simply focus on living life eager to look after the interests of others–and do it generously and graciously—God Himself will take care of what concerns me!! Such a simple concept, yet I continue to fall into the same patterns and pits time after time. Well doggone it, this just has to change, and I’m praying that this summer marks a turning point in my life.

I truly hope you are all having a wonderful summer and are doing well!

So blessed

I am truly a blessed woman….

For 11 years I’ve had the absolute privilege of sharing my life with the most awesome man I have ever known.  Thank you, Hubby, for every single day that you’ve been by my side, loving me and supporting me (even on those days when I’m sure it wasn’t easy) and for finding a way to make me laugh on the days I didn’t think it was possible.

You are truly the best friend I’ve ever had…..not to mention the man of my dreams.

Happy Anniversary.  I love you very, very much.

Life ongoing….

I always get curious when people bring things up on their blogs and then never update them–the nosy part of me wants to know how it all turned out! Well, I don’t want to do that, so here are a few brief updates for you!

1. Princess did great at camp. She came home with many stories and even more focus towards missions, which was the topic of the chapel service while they were there. She wasn’t homesick at all and can’t wait till next year!

2. I did fine while she was gone. Okay, to be more specific I did fine after the initial three hour freak out session that first morning! I’m finding that God is working in me concerning my anxiety over Princess being away from me. Its a problem–my issue with control–that He’s been wanting me to face for a long time now. The tighter I hold on to what I think I ‘control’ the less I turn over to Him and it is just wrong. I used to be in a state of anxiety over even the briefest playdate, but now I’m finally more relaxed about them, as long as I know the child and the family. I’m never going to send her just anywhere and I’m still not exactly ready for her to go to non-family sleepovers. Baby steps, right?

3. Hubby and I made up and we’re still in love and everything! Oh, I knew we would be fine, we always are in the end, but this argument was a doozy and lasted longer than most. Thank goodness we are both in this for the long haul, it makes us much more apt to meet in the middle and forgive easily and quickly. Not that we’ve got it all figured out….I’m still working on the ‘not keeping a record of wrongs’ part of being a wife….but I am working on it!

4. I suppose I may as well update on my weight loss effort. It isn’t going well. At all. Enough said?

5. The church situation is going extremely well, on the other hand. We are connecting with the people, enjoying the services, impressed with the mission and focus of the church, and watching our daughter grow spiritually like never before. There is a membership class starting in August….we’ll see what Hubby says when the time comes! A couple of weeks ago during our family prayers he prayed and used the words ‘our’ church and don’t think I didn’t catch that!

6. What else?? Well, this isn’t really an update, but a continuation of an ongoing problem in this house: We have a ton of projects in the works right now! Hubby is currently installing a new (to us) central air unit and furnace into our house, I’m stripping and repainting a bedroom set for Princess, our kitchen job is finished except for one cupboard door and all the painting, the dining room was cleared of all homeschooling/office materials (which were moved to the workout room, as planned) and now we’re waiting for a small cabinet to finally finish it off, Princess’ toyroom is halfway through a major clean-out and reorganizing and you can’t even walk through the room….oh I could go on and on. Why do we do this?!?!?

That’s enough updating for today. Hope you all have a great weekend and that Father’s day is fun for everyone!

Just a tidbit of wisdom

Quote I heard while watching the news tonight:

‘Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain’

Please Lord, let me remember this during the storms of my life.  Amen.

Being a family is hard sometimes!

After a very busy couple of weeks—finishing school, end of school activities, dance rehearsals and recital, parties and get togethers—it is now too quiet. I am on my own today, as a matter of fact. Princess is off at her very first sleep-over camp for her girls club at church. Any one of you who knows me even a little has already figured out that I’m freaking out just a bit.

Okay, I totally added ‘just a bit’ to try and hide the fact that I’ve cried like three times this morning and even had a mini-panic attack or two. You bought it, right??

For goodness sake, she’s nine, almost ten, I should really be over this but I’m so not. I’m just so intertwined in her life that it is extremely difficult to let go of her for any extended period of time, especially overnight. Some people may call me a control freak, but I prefer to think of myself as ‘letting-go challenged’. I’m actually trying very hard to loosen my grip on her–hence her going on this trip–but it just isn’t that easy on mama!! She, on the other hand, wasn’t nervous at all—just worried about me, bless her heart!

You’d think it would be nice for me and Hubby to have some alone time, but we are unfortunately going through a bit of a ‘hiccup’ over the past few days. Do you know what I’m talking about? When it’s definitely more than an argument, yet less than calling in the lawyers, and there’s not a lot of talking going on, which leaves nothing else to do but basically be mad and feel sorry for yourself. Are we the only ones? Good times, let me tell you.

Thankfully my husband and I take our vows very seriously and we’ve always make a real effort to get through the bad times, as un-fun as that usually ends up being. We both acknowledged years ago that marriage is HARD and we won’t always want to make things right, but we have to do it anyway. We’ve always believed in the concept that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision.

We decide everyday to work on this, even when we don’t like each other very much! We aren’t perfect people and problems do occasionally arise, but for almost 11 years now (on the 28^th as a matter of fact) we’ve managed to claw our way through each and every situation and still genuinely be in love with each other in the end. It isn’t always pretty, but it is worth it.

Wow. I think I really needed to write that paragraph. Oh, I’m still mad, mind you (he doesn’t get off that easy!!) but it reminded me once again of how much that man really means to me. Problems or not, I know I’m blessed with him. Just don’t tell him that, okay?

I’ve officially declared today ‘Mom’s lazy day’ in honor of there being no kiddo around, no housework needing my immediate attention, and it being a virtual furnace outside. However, I’ve stumbled upon a flaw in my plan. There is nothing to eat in this house!!

Well, know this: if I have to get dressed and run to the grocery, I’m totally buying ice cream or brownie mix or something like that. Lets face it,

**anxiety + anger + lazy day + grocery trip = cart full of junk**

I’m not even going to pretend otherwise!

Have a great day everyone!!

Door to door bully

So, I was pretty much just verbally accosted at my front door.

I’m feeling a bit shook up about it so I decided to come tell my story as a bit of therapeutic release. See, I was on the phone with hubby (thank goodness) when there was a knock at the door. I see it’s someone with a clipboard and guessed it was a political survey of some sort, and it was. The guy starts feeding me this line of crap (excuse the language, I’m upset) about his organization (Working America) and how they do all this stuff to help insure jobs for Americans, fight against politicians only looking out for special interests of businesses, fight for universal health care, fight corporations like Walmart, yada, yada, yada. I already knew what I’d see on the form and–sure enough–at the top it read ‘affiliated with the AFL-CIO’ in bold.

Now, no offense to any of you union members or supporters out there, but they just really aren’t my thing, for various reasons, and I won’t get into why here. However, I’m certainly not going to sign this form, not knowing exactly what I’m signing to support! So, I politely refused to sign and I informed him why. He actually started to argue with me and tried to deny a connection between his group and the union! Uh, Dude, it’s right there on your form! So I stopped him and I basically said “Dude! It’s right there on your form!” but he continued to try and distance his group from theirs. On and on it goes, until our voices actually get raised to almost yelling and I hold the phone out so hubs can hear, you know, just in case! Finally, after he continues to yell and shove his form in my face, I asked him to leave and shut the door.

Only he didn’t leave! He stayed out there at my door, still semi-yelling!! So I go back, open the door and tell him again (not that nicely, either) to leave but now he wanted to give me a pamphlet. I almost didn’t take it, but then I realize I’d LOVE to have some contact info so I can report this guy. I took it, and literally slammed the door in his face.

Now, I know I wasn’t very nice and I didn’t act very Christ-like, but wow! The whole thing really shook me up. I was literally shaking and crying by the time I sat back down, and Hubby—who heard the whole thing over the phone—got the phone number for the local and national offices to call and report the guy. As far as I know, he is still on the phone with them. I also just emailed the national organization to let them know that their representative basically just harassed a housewife who was just sitting in her own home minding her own business!

Now, I don’t normally use my blog for the purpose of protest or boycotts or whatever, but I am going to take this opportunity to:

*remind you to read any petitions before you sign—they will almost always fudge their true political purpose and affiliation,

*and I want to get the word out that I officially don’t like the organization called ‘Working America’ because they were really, really mean to me!

By the way, if you’re ever the one asking for public support for your cause, please remember that loudly arguing with people probably isn’t the best way to win their support. You know the saying ‘you catch more flies with honey’? I’m pretty sure that’s true. Just sayin’.

Phew. I do feel better now! Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

Weekend Happenings

Can you believe it’s June? I love it! Our schedule is finally winding down, and after next week we’ll be faced with nothing but lazy summer days ahead. We still have ballet this week, with two practices and the recital on Sunday, and then next week Princess has camp with her church girls club. I’m trying not to think about that one, to be honest. It’s an overnighter almost 3 hours from home. Gulp.

Our weekend was fun-filled and busy. Saturday morning we went garage sale shopping, but sadly that was a big bust. There were a ton of ‘neighborhood’ sales advertised so we happily drove a bit farther to reach them…only in all but one neighborhood there were just one or two houses participating! False advertisement…grrr! We ended up with a bag full of books (as usual) and not much else, unfortunately.

Saturday night was the mother/daughter pajama party at church. It was the first one we ever attended and I was really sweating the whole pj’s in public thing, which was made worse when we pulled into the parking lot and saw women walking in wearing regular clothes! I sat in the van pondering a quick drive home to change, but then decided ‘what the hay’ and we went on inside. Luckily, most women were indeed wearing their pajamas, so I didn’t completely look like a fool after all!

It ended up being a lot of fun. They had a taco bar and a sundae bar, then we went on an interesting scavenger hunt (various stations were set up throughout the church with tasks such as say the Lord’s Prayer with your mouth full of crackers and hula hoop for 30 seconds, ect.) and activities such as cookie decorating, scrapbooking, bracelet making, karaoke, Dance Dance Revolution, spa treatments, and a photo shoot among other things. Princess had an absolute BLAST.

Sunday was church in the morning then dinner over at the house of another family from church. That is one of the things we love about this church, the people are very friendly and social. We had a good time, even though (again) we are a bit different from them.

Why are we so different from everyone?? It’s a question that occasionally bothers me, but at the same time I’m very happy with who we are. We’re very casual, laid-back people who just love to be silly and we just don’t take ourselves too seriously. It seems like most people we meet and become friendly with are just slightly more uptight, more serious, and more proper than we are. Not that we don’t appreciate the friendships we’re making—we absolutely do—but we also feel a bit like we can’t be completely ourselves with them. Perhaps that will come with time. Maybe it’s just that everyone is trying to be on their best behavior in the beginning of a friendship and with time we’ll see them loosen up. Or, maybe my family is just incredibly weird and we’ll never find another family like us!!

Wanna hear me ramble about my day?

Princess and I had a busy day Thursday, and since I’ve nothing important to talk about, you get to hear all about it! (Yay, you!) So, first we met with some other homeschooling families from church to walk and play at the park. After I was there just long enough to get a beet-red sunburn on my shoulders (I am terrible about remembering sunscreen!) we were off to meet Daddy for lunch. Then, we went on a quest to find a new bookshelf/cabinet.

*Sidetrack number one: I’m trying to find a very specific cabinet and it’s proving to be a harder find than I thought it’d be! Since we gave up our school room in favor of using the kitchen (which works SO much better for us, by the way) I’ve been annoyed by the sight of all our school junk in the dining area, just hanging out on the bookshelf, looking cluttered no matter how organized it actually is. Here’s a picture of how it’s set up right now.

What I want to do is find something to keep supplies and curriculum in that has doors, so I can hide all the clutter. I’m also going to put the computer and desk down in our workout room, since we use the laptop 99% of the time anyway and I’d love to just put some plants or a tree in that corner instead.

So anyway, I can’t find a cabinet that falls within my price range (under $100) and still looks good. The closest thing I’ve found so far is this:

but I’m thinking it’ll be too small. Argh. Oh, I have found plenty of nicer/bigger ones, but they are way (and I mean WAAAY) out of my price range! I’ve also considered the ones that are really big and have just plain, smooth doors (the ones they sell for under $100 at Kmart and Walmart) but I don’t care for those, they seem too plain and out of place in the dining area to me.

Wow. That was a sidetrack within a sidetrack! Are you still with me?

As we do with most big purchases, we look at Goodwill first but they had nothing even close to what I need, though they did happen to have a nice lap-desk and upholstered bulletin board for Princess’ room. Next we checked TJ Maxx, which didn’t end up having any bookshelves or cabinets at all, but they did have a pair of black capri’s that magically ended up in my cart!! Then, we were off to Target, which also yielded no cabinet, but did provide a cute, new bathing suit for Princess. (Are you seeing a pattern here?) Last, we were off to Walmart, not for the cabinet, but this time looking for pajamas.

*Sidetrack number two: This Saturday is a mother/daughter pajama party at church, and if you think I’m showing up in the old jammie-pants of Hubby’s that usually I wear to bed…well…you’re wrong! We both bought a pair of pj’s, but neither of us was particularly pleased with our purchases. Ah well.

By the time we got home it was dinner time and that’s where we come to the end of our grand adventure! Has this not been a riveting post!?!? Sorry, I’m trying to get back into the blogging habit, and unfortunately that means I’ll be throwing in these rambling posts of nonsense from time to time. Enjoy!

Make me beautiful!

So, is it totally weird that I am constantly changing my blog theme?? I am so easily bored with stuff for some reason. I am forever rearranging my furniture, too. There’s probably something psychological behind the whole thing, but let’s not go there right now!

Anyway, recently I read on another blog a great post with a TON of comments concerning beauty tips/secrets and it was SO very interesting. It actually made me realize how much I’d stopped trying to make myself look nice or even make much of an effort, to tell you the truth. I even adopted a couple of the tips I read there, one of which was switching to mineral powder make-up…which I ended up loving, by the way. The other tip was to use a nail brush in the shower on my legs before I shave them. Supposedly this will help get rid of the dead skin so that my shave is closer. I’m not 100% sure this is legit, but I did seem to get a nicer shave…so who am I to argue with success?!

I also tried a new mascara that was recommended, Covergirl LashBlast, and I really didn’t care for it much, so it wasn’t all wonderful. However, it was so much fun to read all the tips and tricks and favorite brands that I wanted to do it here!

So, do you have a favorite beauty product or beauty secret/tip that you’d like to share with the rest of us?? I’d really love to hear them!!

My (almost) exciting evening

My neighborhood is pretty quiet and boring. It’s basically a long version of a cal de sac with no traffic or people to liven things up and nothing much happens around here. BUT! As I was leaving my neighborhood to take Princess to ballet tonight, there was a news truck parked at the front of the neighborhood. Not just parked, but the satellite thing is up and the reporter is outside with a microphone…something is up! They’re in front of a house that’s been for sale for a little while and my (very bored) imagination went into overdrive.

Was the house broken into?? Surely that wouldn’t be news, right? Was there some kind of juicy scandal involving this house in my neighborhood?? Does it somehow affect me?!? (Because let’s face it, the world does revolve around me, right??) What is up, what is up, what is up??

It takes me about fifteen minutes round trip to take Princess to dance class, so immediately I start wondering if I would make it back in time to see the story. I HAD to make it back in time!! I MUST know what was up with that house!  (Are you beginning to think I’m a loser?)

I drove a bit faster than usual and when I got back home, they were still there. Phew! I literally ran into the house (go ahead and say it out loud now: Missy’s a serious loser!) and flipped on the TV. A slight sense of panic hits me: I forget which station it was. I’m pretty sure it was channel 13 but it could be channel 11…(argh!)

I sanely (!?) decide to flip back and forth. First I try channel 13. No…they have a story on gas prices. Yeah yeah, gas is like $4.09 and all…but what’s the deal in my neighborhood?!?!? C’mon!!

<Flip!> Channel 11 has a story in front of a house, but their guy is in front of a really shady house that is thankfully NOT in my neighborhood. Okay, back to channel 13. <Flip!>  Weather.  NO!  <Flip!>

(This channel flipping went on for a bit. I’ll be kind and spare you the whole thing.)

Finally! Channel 13 is doing a story about house prices or something and they’re about to show a live shot…

Yay! It’s the house in my neighborhood!!! What’s she going to say??  (You’re totally on the edge of your seat, aren’t you?)

“Live from Toledo, this is Sally Jones*, back to you, Dan.”

That was it. Wait. THAT’S IT???? You picked my neighborhood, apparently randomly, for that?? They didn’t even mention anything specific to the house or my neighborhood or anything. Did you really need a remote location to say your name? I feel robbed. Completely cheated out of a cool neighborhood scandal or news story or whatever.

Well, I suppose ‘no news is good news’ and all that, but for a little while my boring day got a bit exciting! Now I think it’s time to go at least attempt to get a life. Or, better yet, I could just enjoy my usual boring pizza night with my family and leave the exciting life to someone else!!

*I don’t remember her real name, sadly I was too excited to pay attention. (I know, I’m a big loser!)

Let us pray

Could we all take just a minute to pray for Steven Curtis Chapman and his family?  He lost his five year old daughter yesterday in a tragic accident.  I can’t begin to imagine the grief they feel.

He reigns

There has been quite an abundance of bad news in the world this past week, hasn’t there? Between the big ones like tornadoes, earthquakes, and cyclones are the more personal things like crazy grocery and gas prices…and it’s easy (at least for me) to get pulled down into despair, to focus on the world instead of the ruler and creator of the world. I become incredibly grieved as I watch the news each day. Beside myself, really. Then it occurs to me that I only see a fraction of the horror and struggle in the world, yet God, He sees it all, He’s present through it all, and He reigns over it all.

I’ve hesitated to blog this week, knowing that the deaths and suffering of hundreds of thousands of people would probably prevent me from finding a light note within me. My heart was consumed with the nightmare of a government allowing millions to starve rather than admit they need help. My spirit was heavy with the thought of thousands of children buried alive in China. On top of those things, there are also entire neighborhoods destroyed in the U.S. by tornadoes. It seems as if the world is literally falling apart! Yet tonight the thought came to me, no matter how bad things will ever get…He reigns over it all.

No disaster is bigger than God. No crisis can render Him powerless. He is never caught off guard.

Our loved ones may die, our families may struggle, governments may oppress, but He is still God of all. If we lose all our possessions, if we can’t afford to drive, if the world seems to crumble around us, He is still Lord of all. Bad things happen in this fallen world. I just happen to believe that the secret to life may simply be in knowing that when bad things do happen, God is still God, He is still on the throne, and He reigns.

Please, take a minute to watch the video, you will get such encouragement!

Seventeen children…and one more on the way!

Have you all heard that the Duggars are having another baby? That makes 18 for them!

I love, love, love watching the shows about this wonderful family. The mother, Michelle, is absolutely inspirational to me! She is so patient and kind to those children, always with a calm and peaceful spirit. Me? I only have one child and far too often I find myself raising my voice or speaking unkindly to her, I’m ashamed to say. Also, I think the way they’ve raised their kids to be responsible, well-behaved children is nothing short of amazing. Watching them tends to jar me out of my ’status quo’ haze and spurs me on to do better, be better, to expect more of myself. God has truly used their family to bless me, as weird as that may seem!

If you’ve never watched one of their shows or visited their website, please take time to do so! You really won’t be sorry.

And just in case this is my last post before the weekend, Happy Mother’s Day to all my bloggy friends! Whether you have one child or 18, you deserve every bit of honor you get this Sunday!

Just a few weird things about me…

Sandi over at Always a work in progress has tagged me to tell all of you seven random quirks of mine, and the only problem I have with that is narrowing my quirks down to only seven!! First, here are the rules:

• Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
  
• Share seven random and/or weird things about yourself~the second tag is for six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. I’m combining them, because although I’m weird enough to have APLENTY to fill these, I can’t think of them all at once….
  
• Tag seven people at the end of your post and include links to their blog. (I don’t know if I’ll have seven but we’ll see!)
  
• Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I have to psych myself up to cook chicken. I know it sounds dumb, but I absolutely cannot stand to touch raw chicken. It gives me serious heebie-jeebies. No matter how often I make chicken, it never gets easier.
2. I eat ketchup on my scrambled eggs. Or salsa. But never do I eat them plain—yuck! And they MUST be cooked to firm or I can NOT eat them!
   
3. Most of you already know this one but it’s one of my biggies: I’m a big huge germaphobe! I must either wash up or gel up before every single meal, even a snack, and also after leaving the grocery or mall or whatever. My poor family is subjected to this as well. Hey, we’ve been pretty stinking healthy so they shouldn’t complain, right?
   
4. I started getting gray hairs when I was 30 years old. I totally blame this one on my husband.
   
5. I have an extremely sensitive sense of smell. It drives me batty, especially when I can’t find the source of something that smells bad or when the dog needs a bath. I buy a lot of air fresheners and candles!
   
6. Oh, here’s a weird one for you. I have partial hearing loss in my right ear, but for some reason this makes me ultra-sensitive to background noise. I have no idea why this is! Just yesterday we went out to lunch and hubby had to ask them to turn down the music because it was too much for me. If there is too much background noise, I can’t focus on what is being spoken to me or follow a conversation. Really weird, right?
   
7. After reading though this list, you might be surprised to know that I consider myself to be a pretty low-maintenance woman. (Are you laughing?) Really, I am! I rarely buy new clothes, I never get my nails done, or go to salons, ect. I have like four pairs of earrings as my entire jewelry collection (outside of my wedding set and mothers ring) and I don’t ask to be taken out very often at all! Emotionally, I may be a bit more ‘maintenance required’ but we won’t talk about that!!

So, I know I’m supposed to tag here but I hate doing this! So many of my favorite bloggers don’t like to do meme’s, and so many are busy right now. But I’ll tell you what, I’ll tag some of you and if you don’t want to do it–no skin off me! K?

I’ll tag: Momlovesbeingathome, Amy, Heather, Classic Mama, Real world Martha, Katie, and Marcy

Socialization

Oh yeah, I said it. Socialization.

It’s a word most homeschoolers hear often, and usually in the form of a rebuke or a challenge…am I right?? It sometimes seems as if the entire world is convinced that by keeping our children home from school, we will effectively turn them into backwards, socially-inept misfits. Truth be told—and this is hard for me to admit—I’ve been a bit concerned over the years that perhaps ‘they’ had a point. Doubts plagued me at times: What if my kid turns out all wrong??  What if she has no friends? What if she can’t relate to people or becomes so shy she can’t function in society?  What if she hates me for choosing this path for her? What if, what if, what if??

These are just some of the questions that would occasionally haunt me in the night. For years, I held my breath, wondering if I was doing the right thing. Every spring I stressed myself out, wondering if this should be the last year that we keep her out of school, and what our next step should be. I would reason with myself that she was getting older and surely she needs a more ‘normal’ life now or else she’ll just turn out all wrong! Right??

Apparently not.

Over the last year or so, I’ve found myself having that internal conversation less and less frequently. I’ve stopped questioning if this should be the last year. Why did I finally stop??  She’s thriving! She’s happy. She’s extremely well adjusted. She has lots of friends, is involved in many activities, has a wonderful spiritual life, and she presents herself confidently and maturely to the world.

This all struck me just this past Monday, when Princess and I walked down the street to visit with a friend of mine. As we stood in my friends yard chatting it up, I noticed that Princess was fully engaged in the conversation right along with us. Not just listening off to the side, but nodding, commenting, and doing the same animated ‘Um hmm’s’ and ‘yeah’s’ and ‘oh my goodness’ type things that I tend to do during conversations. I love this about her, the way she’s so comfortable talking to adults. She gives full-on eye contact, speaks up loudly and clearly, and totally holds her own while talking with adults. I could tell my friend was impressed, and I was tickled beyond words.

As we walked back home that word—socialization—popped into my head and I couldn’t help but smile.

I doubt I’ll ever convince all the homeschooling naysayers of the world that staying home for school can still produce a well-socialized child…but maybe my daughter will.

Hello again!!

I’m back!

Things I learned over the past two weeks of no computer:

1. It was hard. Too hard. Which means I need to make a real effort to not become computer-addicted once again and limit my time online!
   
2. Reading through almost the 300 blog posts I came back to waiting for me in my reader can only be done if I read and delete, no commenting. I did read all your posts, honest! Please forgive my lack of commenting.
   
3. I am going to keep blogging and just not beat myself up over the days I don’t feel like posting. It isn’t a requirement!!
   

Honestly, I am ashamed at how much I struggled and how often I wanted to just forget the whole thing and log on! We use the computer for homeschooling and so there I was, sitting right next to it for five or six hours a day, unable to do anything but schoolwork and email. It felt like torture!

But, I made it through, with the grace of God! It was so funny, the ‘fast’ started on Thursday the 24^th and I was doing alright…then on Sunday morning at church Princess decided she wanted to ‘fast’ the television for the week. When she told us after church, I panicked. No computer OR television!??! For a week!?!?

Are you starting to see how in my flesh I tend to live?

Bless her heart. My daughter was unknowingly being used by God to show me that I hadn’t done enough, that there was more for me to conquer. Okay God, I hear you.

So, I am still very much a work in progress, but thankfully God hasn’t given up on me. I hope you have all had a wonderful couple of weeks while I was gone (and enjoying a lovely Spring, I hope!) and I’ll be trying to make it around to say hello to you all soon!

Just popping back in to say…

No, I’m not cheating on my self-imposed computer fast, I postdated this post!!  I didn’t want to let this day go by without letting each of you know how much you mean to me.  I started this blog a year ago today not knowing if anyone would ever read what I wrote.  Little did I know how many wonderful people I would ‘meet’ through this blog and how important you’d all be in my life.  Thank you for taking the time to get to know me, thank you for coming back even when I have nothing good to say, thank you for being honest, helping me grow, encouraging me, and praying with me.  You are all truly my friends, even though I may never meet you in real life.   God bless you all!

Hello and Good-bye–for now

I know, I know.  I have been a TERRIBLE blogger lately!!  It’s kinda funny, as I am within days of my first year anniversary and I am so not feeling the blogging thing these days.  I’m not sure what it is, I just don’t have it in me to post lately.  I have plenty to say, mind you, just not the will or the wherewithall to get it from my head onto the computer screen–a step that is sadly necessary to communicate with all of my wonderful bloggy-buddies!  I do miss you all!

It isn’t going to get any better, either.  This Thursday our church is undergoing a ‘10 days to change’ program and I have decided to give up my computer (for the most part, at least) for the duration of the 10 days.  That may seem silly to some of you, but I truly have a bigger problem with the computer than I do with television or any other distraction in my life.  I spend entirely too much time here, in internet-land, and I know it is effecting my spiritual life so hopefully the ten day break will be good for me!  I will be checking email daily though, so if anyone needs anything please feel free to email me.

I will decide at the end if I will continue blogging or not.  I’d like to continue, but maybe there is a reason the fun has gone out of it for me, I don’t know.  I’m sure I’ll be craving it like I crave a double cheeseburger on a diet once I’m not allowed to blog!  I’ve always been really, really bad about wanting what I can’t have, not a great character trait but it’s sadly undeniable nonetheless!

I trust everyone is enjoying the wonderful spring that we’re beginning to see!  Have a blessed rest of your April and I’ll be ’seeing’ you in early May!

Update on our lunch Sunday

Yesterday we had lunch with another homeschooling family from the new church.  It was really nice, but a bit strange at the same time.  Did any of you watch the tv show The Office last week?  The one with the dinner party?  If so, then you can appreciate how funny it was when I tell you we got there at about 1:30 (mind you, breakfast was at 9:00) and she checked the food around 2:00 saying “Oh, this isn’t even close to being done!”

Seriously, people.  That’s funny stuff.

They were so nice though and the food and conversation were both great!  Their daughter is already friends with Princess, so they were upstairs hanging out all day, alternately giggling and screaming from being bothered by the boys, it was so stinking cute.  It’s so wonderful to be making friends with people at the new church, and it makes it feel more like ‘home’ to me, even though we haven’t truly decided on that quite yet.

As a side note today, thanks to all of you for the encouragement over the weekend!  You guys are great.

Update on life

A full week without a post!  Sorry about that.  I’ve been kinda feeling blue over a few things and of course that usually drives me away from the blog.  Nothing too bad going on, just the usual financial stress, weight depression, and spiritual dryness that I go through from time to time.   Another week in my world, I suppose!

The spiritual side is so frustrating, because I bring it on myself every time.  I start feeling distant from God, only to realize that I’ve not made time for Him, I’ve not been making Him a priority–or even giving Him space in my life and mind at all!  Then, I feel separated from Him…well, duh!  I am the one doing the separating!!  He is still right where I left Him, waiting for me to get a clue.  As soon as I finally do, I feel so much better.  I sit down with a devotional book and soak in His presence for a bit and I find grace, I find peace, I find hope, I find love.  He is just so good, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why I keep pushing Him to the side.  One day I hope to get this particular lesson through my think skull!!

I’m also back on the diet/weight loss train and I’m so frustrated with the process.  I’m not restricting my food enough and I know that, yet to not see that number go down makes me want to give up completely.  I’ve been pretty faithful with the exercises, but I’m not putting enough time in.  I can only do 15 minutes at a time on the elliptical and that is obviously not enough!  A few days ago I ended up doing two sets of 15 minutes and I think I’ll try to do that more often.  I also need to add some weights in there eventually!  I am frankly just lazy when it comes to exercising.  No excuses…just plain ole lazy.

I’m not going to go into the finances here, just know it is still not looking up, and if you feel inclined to pray, please do.  I’m trying to maintain hope in a situation where there doesn’t appear to be any hope—it isn’t something I’m particularly good at doing.  Trusting God with this is hard for me too, because I know it is our fault we’re in this situation and therefore I don’t feel its fair to ask God to get us out of it!  Oh I pray about it and all, but God and I both know I haven’t really given the situation over to Him.  Working on this, too!

There are a few good things going on in my life though!  The church thing continues to go well.  In fact, tomorrow we were invited to the house of a family within the church for lunch!  In all honesty this makes me a bit nervous, but I’m forcing myself out of my comfort zone to make connections within the church.  Princess continues to thrive spiritually there, and got a solo in the spring play/musical!!  We’re so tickled about that.

We’re also about a month from finishing our school year, which is a blessing.  We are both ready for a break!  I do plan on doing a lot of reading and some composition over the summer, but nothing too major.  We take schooling at home pretty much on a year by year basis, but Princess has done really well this year and so fifth grade at home is a definite ‘yes’ and I am so pleased.  Being at home with her is such an incredible blessing to me!

Well, that is just a not-so-brief update on why I’ve been gone for a bit.  I have been reading everyone’s blogs, even if I haven’t been commenting as much, I promise!  I love you guys and I pray all is well with each of you!

Saturday happenings

Any other WordPress users freak out upon logging in this morning??  Wow!  What a change.

Anyway, it’s been quite a day around here today.  I’m still limping through flu recovery (with a nice portion of monthly cramps on the side) and I think it may have given me an ear infection.  Lovely.  I managed to pull the house together, although not as thoroughly as usual.  I figure after 11 years, its okay to let my mother-in-law in on the secret that my house isn’t always perfect!  Hubby gave the dog his bath for me this morning and also clipped his nails.  While clipping, he got too low on one and the poor dog just bled and bled!  We called the vet, who suggested using a bar of soap to stop the bleeding.  I didn’t watch so I’m not 100% clear on how this worked, but it did, thank goodness!  He’s doing just fine now.

My hubby and father-in-law are going to be working on the roof this afternoon and they need access to the attic–and the only door into the attic is in my closet thanks to the geniuses who designed my house.  To get to it, my entire closet needs emptied, from the clothes to the shoes to the purses and the junk.  Ugh.  In the process of doing this, the portable closet-thingy we were using to hold the clothes collapsed (with a little help from me) and pinched hubby’s finger really badly.  Now it was his turn to bleed and bleed and bleed!   

Its a beautiful day though, so I’m hoping it gets better!  I guess its good that there have already been two injuries before anyone climbs up onto the roof…maybe we’ve gotten them out of the way!  Have a great weekend, all!

The Flu

It has invaded our little home. First Princess, who didn’t get it too bad, thank God. Then Hubby, who has been sicker than I have ever seen him in the 11 years we’ve been together. (He’s even missed three days of work, something that never happens, as he gets no sick pay.) Yesterday, it got me. Not too bad so far, but I didn’t sleep last night and I hate that. Sigh. It sounds like a hospital in here, between the sniffing, the moaning, the coughing, the blowing, and the hum of the humidifier.

It’s just gross in here, folks.

The worst part of this story? My in-laws are coming to town on Saturday and I’ve got a serious pile of laundry to wash, a house to get in order, a dog to wash, and a big can of disinfectant to use. Liberally.

Hubby lost like ten pounds in the last three days. Me? I tend to get more of an appetite when I’m not feeling well! I was munching on tortilla chips and teddy grahams last night at 4 in the morning. Right now I could really go for McDonalds. Have you had their cherry pies??

On a side note, our roof sprung a leak during a terrible thunderstorm Monday afternoon–right over the bathtub. Guess if you have to have a leak, that’s the place to get it, right? Hubby, while stricken with the plague, drug himself up onto the roof to cover it with a tarp until we can fix it this weekend. Later, in the middle of the night, during another storm, I am up to use the restroom (which I do four or five times a night, every night. I’m getting old. Or, at least my bladder is) and the water is coming in again. *Sigh* Don’t worry, I handled the stress with grace and composure.

If by grace and composure you mean waking up sick Hubby to panic and freak out and get a little nag on. Anyway.

Hope that you are all having a better week than we are!

Falling through the cracks

I have an incredibly heavy heart today over something I read this morning concerning the drop-out rates in this country. Annually, 1.2 million students in the United States drop out of high school. How about that for a wake up call?!? For the purpose of my post today, I am going to focus on one city in particular, Detroit, mainly because their numbers were the most disturbing and because I live less than an hour from there, so it hits close to home for me.

Did you know that the graduation rate in the city of Detroit is slightly less than 25%? Think about that number for a minute. That means that 75% of students within the Detroit city school system drop out before graduation. 75%!!! That is unbelievably staggering to me. This is a city that is struggling mightily under a cycle of poverty and crime. A city where almost half of the children were living below the poverty line according to statistics in 2005, and just this past November they were ranked as the nation’s most dangerous city by the FBI. These are problems that are only going to continue to worsen, as only a quarter of the teenagers within this city are graduating from high school every year with a chance to get good jobs or head to college, and the rest have little choice other than to work minimum wage jobs or turn to a life of crime. Wow.

My heart is broken over this!

I believe that much of the problem lies in the fact that the parents may have been dropouts themselves and perhaps even their parents as well. This tends to set up a cycle within a family in which education is not valued, not viewed as a necessity in life. This, in my opinion has become one of the root causes of the cycle of poverty and crime in our country. We are taught values and priorities at home, at least initially, and to a large extent children tend to take on a role that is a shadow of the parent. Does that mean I remove all the blame from the teenagers themselves? Not entirely. But children—for the most part, not always—will only aim as high as we teach them to aim. If we do not tell them their goals are to get decent grades and a diploma at age 18, perhaps they will not find it within themselves to aim that high. Of course, there are many children who manage to succeed despite their parents’ lack of involvement, but I think they tend to be the exception, not the rule.

So, what can be done to fix this problem? Honestly, I’ve no idea. The people with the most power over the lives of these children are their parents, and if the parents refuse to engage their child educationally, refuse to attempt to break this vicious cycle, what can we do? Mentoring is one option, one which I think has a ton of potential, but the sheer numbers of children falling through the cracks here makes it difficult to arrange mentors for all. I think that this is an area churches could step in to fill. I also wonder if there is adequate information being given to students within the schools about what life will be like without a diploma. I don’t know that it would convince anyone, but let’s at least try. I’m really not convinced that the school systems are doing their share to break this cycle, and part of the responsibility most definitely falls upon them to do their part to stop it. Tutoring and getting personally involved in these kid’s lives should be a priority. I don’t want to hear about how there’s no money to do this, find a way. Cut extra-curricular activities, cut administrative jobs, cut the janitors and give the detention kids a broom, get creative and just find a way. We aren’t supposed to just give up and continue on with status quo.

In my opinion, having two-parent homes would go a long way towards fixing this problem, but that’s pretty much impossible to control.  Many single mothers may not get involved in their child’s education, not due to lack of desire or interest, but simply because they are too busy, too stressed, too overwhelmed. Sadly, the welfare system has created an unintended side effect: fathers are no longer feeling the same sense of responsibility for the provision and rearing of their children. Now. thanks to welfare, he can count on Uncle Sam to fill the gap that his leaving creates—at least financially. The gap left emotionally, however, is remaining unfilled and entire generations of children are left fatherless, unguided, with a lack of direction, and little stability in their lives. In the poorest of these families, day to day survival eclipses living in terms of having a long term plan, and education falls by the wayside. How sad.

So many problems, so few real solutions, and entire generations of children are lost, while entire cities crumble. How I wish I could close this post with a grand plan of fixing our countries woes, but I have none. While part of the blame lies with the parents, they too may be victims of the same cycle, with no sense of hope or progress to pass onto their children. While part of the blame lies with the schools, there is only so much they can do legally to get the butts in the seats if the parents aren’t doing their part. While part of the blame lies within the welfare system, getting rid of the system just isn’t an option, as it is a lifeline for many families whether we like it or not. Perhaps the blame lies partially on all of us. While there isn’t a whole lot we can physically do right now this minute, we can—and should—be praying for these children! Let’s not forget them. Let’s not dismiss them as insignificant. They are every bit as important as this little girl sitting across the table from me right now, and every bit as important as your children, too. If we don’t pray, who will?

Church update

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated on our church search, so I thought I’d post about it really quickly. We’ve been attending this current church for about four months now. We decided to join Sunday school classes, in order to both get a better idea of what to expect at this church and to meet more people. We also got our daughter involved in the weekly girls club that they offer. Both of these things have been so incredible! We’ve already made friends, especially Princess. She has a whole group of them, as a matter of fact. Not to mention that she is more spiritually aware than she has ever been, bless her heart. This has been such a blessing to our family.

There are a lot of other home schooled kids, there is even a homeschool art class every Tuesday that Princess has already started attending! She’s already made a buddy out of the children’s pastor, and just tonight she tried out for a part in the children’s spring musical. This is honestly the perfect church for her, bless her heart.

As for me, I’ve already made one friend, but also a few more ‘acquaintances’ that may turn into full-fledged friends eventually. For me, this kind of progress in just a couple of months is incredible. Hubby also has gotten to know a few men, which is always really easy for him but nice anyway!

Hubby still hasn’t committed to saying that this is the place where we’re going to stay just yet. I appreciate that he isn’t rushing into it, but part of me is a bit anxious to have somewhere to call ‘home’ as well! For now, I am happy to be somewhere that is welcoming and Spirit-filled, and not moving from church to church week after week.

Grocery question

I have a question for you all!  A mini-poll of sorts.

How much would you say you spend on average per week on groceries?  Not just food mind you,  but everything from toiletries and cleaning supplies to toilet paper and laundry detergent.  The whole shabang.

When answering, please include the number of people in your family!  Thanks so much, all!